I Feel Horrible

I have no pictures to go along with this post. And even if I had one that would be appropriate, I think it would be so sad to look at.

I don't know about most moms, but I do know that I make many many mistakes. Sometimes they are forgetful mistakes such as "I forgot to get the special cereal from the store." Sometimes, they are unintentional mistakes as when I blame one child for something the other one did because I didn't get the whole story. Or maybe the mistakes are because of carelessness or lack of consideration. You know the times when your kid has to miss out on something fun because you didn't plan well.

Well tonight I made a major blooper. I hurt and embarrassed my Sarah deeply tonight and I am absolutely sick over it.

Tonight, in our evening church service, I brought all the kids that went to Kids Camp up on the platform and we did a little presentation of our week at camp. There was a cool slideshow, we sang a song we learned and even told of some things that meant something to us from camp.

Before service began, I rehearsed with all of the kids. A few of them told me that they had something special that they wanted to share with the church about camp. The rule was that they could not stand there, stare out and just utter "uuuhhh". If they did that, I would move on to the next camper. There were 4 kids that had something specific and clear that they would say. One of those kids was Sarah.

She wanted to tell what she learned about the 10 bridesmaids waiting for the bridegroom from Matthew 25. She learned from Robin (camp speaker) that because 5 of those girls were not prepared to meet the bridegroom, they were left behind. They missed the wedding and were not allowed into the celebration. Sarah understood that the story was about us being ready for Jesus' return. How we should not be off in our own little world, not ready for him. We do not know the hour or day and we must be ready in an instant to meet him.

She was concise and spoke with clarity...in our practice. When it was her turn on the platform, in front of the entire congregation, she froze. I went to hand her the mike and she laughingly refused it. Several people laughed, she thinks it is a joke and laughs more. Ok, I'll go on to someone else. I came back to her and it was the same story. I went to her for a third time and she finally took the mike. She hesistates and she utters..."uh, I really liked horseback r id ing. " No you are not seeing typos. I am trying to type out hesitations. She didn't say anything after that so I took back the mike.

We wrapped it up and left the platform. When we got back to our seats, she was hysterical and crying. Now she was quietly crying but she was a mess. She was hurt and embarrassed, she was pressured and she was put on the spot. I felt horrible for making her feel that way. I felt like a loser parent for embarrassing her, and I realized JUST HOW IMPATIENT AND RUDE I came off to everyone watching me interact with my daughter. She later told me that when she saw all of the people it made her nervous.

What I saw was a clock ticking away the limited time we had before Pastor came. I saw a kid who I thought wasn't being serious so I moved on. And, I know how grueling it can be to listen to anyone say "uhhh".

Then after service, one of the college girls tells me that it was clear from Sarah's face that she was upset. The whole church saw it. "Thanks" I tell her.

I think I will go home and crawl in a hole.