I should've been happy

It all started with me feeling a bit peeved about Jack's little "surprise" on the kitchen floor this morning. I walked into the kitchen ready to be revived with my wonderful first cup of coffee. I was lost in thought about what needed to be accomplished today, thinking about having the day off from school today and just happy to be in cozy jammies on a cold morning. Life is really great.

Then I saw Jack's black. His little black turd staring at me, waiting to greet me, mocking me. OOOOhhh I hate this part of parenting a little dog. Oh, I hate it. I did say a short muttering of thanks that it wasn't too soft or gooey (eeeuuwww that is gross) and that clean up would be simple. I cleaned the floor and went about the day.

But wait, the day gets even more interesting. Earlier in the morning, someone whose name will not be mentioned here, used the back bathroom. Apparently the deposit made was too large to make it down the toilet in the flushing process. The now relieved person went about the day oblivious to the plumbing obstacle. That was this morning. Throughout the day, we must have all used the front toilet because nobody ever commented on the situation in the back bathroom (our bathroom in our bedroom right next to my closet).

So later this evening, I go into that bathroom and look down at the bowl. It is now a swirling brown site that looks like it had been fermenting for several days. It smells ....bad. Like a dank, damp, rotting sewer. So what do I do? I gross out and flush it. Guess what happens? You guessed it. It fills up and completely overflows ALL OVER THE BATHROOM FLOOR AND INTO MY CLOSET. OH MY GOSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Remember the color of the water?? Well now there is a nice caramel color sweeping over the floor.

I throw four beach towels on the mess knowing that I won't get it all but hoping that I can at least stop the madness from travelling to the outer reaches of the bedroom. I stop the flow but the towels are quickly becoming full. I realize that the toilet did not just overflow but won't stop filling with water. You know how sometimes you gotta jiggle the handle to get it to stop running? Well, it happened today. Again, I ask you, what did I do? I go stomping through that disgusting foul water to find the lever at the back of the toilet to stop it. Got it. Suddenly the quietness calms me...for a moment.

I have no where to go because I am sitting on the toilet lid holding my feet up surrounded by a lake of sulfur. Where do I go? I find a towel, throw it down, jump out of the way and assess the situation.

I start mopping it all up. Oh, the vileness of it all is too overwhelming. I am starting to regret the stir-fry I had for dinner. My stomach doesn't feel to good. I wish I wish I wish I wish I wish that I were back in the kitchen this morning using one paper towel cleaning up Jack's teeny tiny turd.

I get out the bleach, the Pine-Sol, Clorox disinfecting wipes, Lysol spray and anything else containing a warning label. I just started cleaning the floor when I notice that 5 pairs of my shoes were flooded in the .... flood of poopy water. There was nothing else to do but throw them away. My favorite pair of black suede boots went in the trash this evening. Booo hoooo. My closet smells like a sewer now. Oh this is bad.

I get the floor cleaned up and then I start to get a little light headed. I start to get dizzy and feel myself falling down. I am able to catch myself and walk out of the room. I think those warning labels are there for a reason. I open the bathroom window to get some ventilation.

So right now our bedroom smells like sewer cleaned up with too-overpowering chemicals and is freezing cold. You know how cold it is right now. The window is wide open and needs to stay that way. Oh it is going to be a long night.

The best part of it all, you ask??? Hottie Husband is at work right now and has no idea what has happened. So Lover if you read this before I get to tell you in person....we may need a new bathroom floor before those granite countertops in the kitchen.