Funny Bone

I get so much junk email and quite a few "FWD"s from friends. In all honesty, and please don't be offended if you fall into my category here, I usually just delete them. I guess I get tired of the mandate of forwarding said email to 10 of my friends otherwise the curses of hell will befall me. Some of them are amusing, most most of the time, my eyes never lay sight on them.

Today, I opened one of those "FWD"s. I chuckled so much that I wanted to share. I love puns and plays on words that this tickled my silly bone. Maybe it will do the same for you. Or maybe you might find it quite corny.

1. Two antennas met on a roof, fell in love and got married. The ceremony wasn't much, but the reception was excellent.

2. A jumper cable walks into a bar. The bartender says, 'I'll serve you, but don't start anything.'

3. Two peanuts walk into a bar; one was a salted.

4. A dyslexic man walks into a bra. (You have no idea just how hysterical this one was to me)

5. A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm and says:'A beer please, and one for the road.'

6. Two cannibals are eating a clown. One says to the other: 'Does this taste funny to you?'

7. 'Doc, I can't stop singing 'The Green, Green Grass of Home.''
'That sounds like Tom Jones Syndrome.'
'Is it common?'
'Well, 'It's Not Unusual.''

8. Two cows are standing next to each other in a field. Daisy says to Dolly, 'I was artificially inseminated this morning.'
'I don't believe you,' says Dolly.
'It's true, no bull!' exclaims Daisy.

What makes this photo so, uhmmm, intriguing is that this "Daisy" belongs to my sister Brenda. Yep, that's right, Donna has some country relatives. Makes for some fantastic stories!

9. An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.

10. Deja Moo: The feeling that you've heard this bull before.

11. I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn't find any.

12. A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident. He shouted, 'Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!'
The doctor replied, 'I know you can't - I've cut off your arms!'

13. I went to a seafood disco last week..and pulled a mussel.

14. What do you call a fish with no eyes? A fsh.

15. Two fish swim into a concrete wall. The one turns to the other and says 'Dam!'.

16. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, so they lit a fire in the craft. Unsurprisingly it sank, proving once again that you can't have your kayak and heat it too.

17. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. 'But why?', they asked, as they moved off. 'Because', he said, 'I can't stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.'

18. A woman has twins and gives them up for adoption. One o f them goes to a family in Egypt and is named 'Ahmal.' The other goes to a family in Spain ; they name him 'Juan.' Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his birth mother. Upon receiving the picture, she tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Ahmal. Her husband responds, 'They're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Ahmal.'

19. Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him (Oh, man, this is so bad, it's good).... A super calloused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.

20. And finally, there was the person who sent twenty different puns to her friends, with the hope that at least ten of the puns would make them laugh. No pun in ten did.